A Bad Person...

Okay, so it's been awhile since I have been on this thing, but I need to get this out since I have been feeling this way for some time. Venting begin, only this venting is about myself.

I feel like a bad friend. A bad daughter. A bad sister. A bad relative. A bad student. A bad grandchild. A bad co-worker. Just sucking at relationships right now. I hate this. Let's break this down now shall we?

A bad friend: Well I feel like I suck at being a good friend. I don't hang out with who I consider my brothers near enough and really stink at staying in touch with them throughout the week. I want to be able to stay connected and maybe do random things on random days of the week but do I ever instigate anything or suggest anything? Rarely. Have I invited them over for dinner and a movie or whatevs? No. (cuz of embarrasment really, but who cares right?)I apologize to you, you know who you are if you are reading this... This has got to change with me because well it has to because I want it to.

A bad daughter: Sometimes I feel like I don't send enough emails or phone calls to either parents. Have you ever thought about sending your mom/dj a package for once? Sheesh, get with it. I also feel like I let them down with my life. I am not graduated and don't know who or what I am or should do and I dont want to be an embarrassment to them. Which leads me to the next thing...

A bad student: First of all I failed college algebra this summer so that seemed a waste of time and money. I have been in school forever and have nothing to show for it, not even an AA or close. I havent felt confident in choosing one major and giving it all my passion. Yeah that is pretty self explanatory.

A bad sister: My sister's husband is in Iraq and do I send her anything? Do I stay in touch enough? Do I go and see her when I can? What is the deal? Travis definitely needs to be seen more from me and I am missing Ryan's graudation due to work and finances. What???

A bad relative: I could stay in touch more with everyone.. thats all

A bad grandchild: Don't call enough or plan times soon enough for them to see me...

A bad co-worker: This goes for past and present coworkers. I get invited to do things or grab coffee and see a movie and do I ever take them up on their offers? RARE and I mean rare. Why not? or at least stop saying soon or whatevs.

For all of these I could say Money is a big reason or Time but really I can do free things with these people and for some it doesn't cost much to mail a letter. Also Elizabeth, my friend in Africa. Good gravy that girl needs some attention from me, I know what its like being overseas and wanting to hear from people back home...I need to get on that for her. Love you liz!

Well now that I have vented and feel smaller than a pebble, you would think I will do something about it. That is my goal. I need to rewatch Yes Man, that will get me saying yes more.lol. I just owe a grrrrrreat apology to anyone I have hurt, neglected, not contacted back with in awhile, or just plain anything!! Love you peeps and sorry, I am going through something this year as far as emotions and inwardness (if that is a word). I guess I am in a funk with alot of things. Yeah I know what this year should be titled, "Funk" Anyoohooos, maybe I will write before next year. Peace and love, April

Whiskers on Kittens

Lately goodness...


New Documentary:

"The Cove" -Heartbreaking, detailed, the end leaves you with a desire to help. Watch and spread the word.

New person I want to be, because she is so cute and makes me want to cut my hair again: Carey Mulligan







Songs of the Week (New or played a lot) : "Heroes" David Bowie
"Stranded" (Haiti Mon Amour)
"Redemption Song" Bob Marley
"Sparks" Coldplay
"Sweet Disposition" Temper Trap


New Random Website: http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ Because if you like random, this is your cup of tea

My favorite treat as of late: apples and caramel










New "song" played on guitar (lol) : Whole Wide World by Wreckless Eric

Thoughts: I am still looking for a job which seems like a job in itself! My religion course is proving interesting with peoples input in the discussions... Also, I really want to start volunteering somewhere, perhaps read to kids with DuvalRead, who knows but you who is reading this hold me accountable okay? Thanks. I got this God-sticky note calendar for Christmas so I think I shall end it with that. Peace. "Trying to kick a bad habit?" Love, God
Behold, God is mine helper.
Psalms 54:4

A Dream, Aloud...

I am actually writing a blog in Paris, something I did not think I would ever get around to doing. The fact that I have been in my house for three days straight with some kind of sickness gives me some time to write on here, not to mention that we have internet now, something that has not been the case in the past month! :o)
I could use this time to post all about my adventure and experience over here but I really don't feel like it, lol, since I just updated my journal(an actual journal you write in) and I post update emails. I could also post some pics, okay, maybe I will post one, but I already do that on FB. Call me lazy I suppose.
I just saw "500 days of Summer" with a couple of students, they said it was too choppy for them but I enjoyed it, especially the little dance sequence, because I have definitely felt like doing that on numerous occasions. Watching movies like that really make me want to take up screenwriting or be able to just a write a good story that could be turned into a movie, hmm, maybe when I return stateside I will take a screenwriting class.
It's funny because since I have been here the stereotype for the French have been shattered, everyone has been friendly and helpful even if I do look like a fool with my two french words and sign language. Although if you have a problem with personal space you definitely could not live here due to the love of closeness on the metro. Way to break the ice, hah.
Another interesting thing since I have been over here and also sad thing, is the matter of God. Hardly anyone(students) seem to think much of religion or the afterlife. It either never crosses their mind and they live day to day, or they turned away from their "religious" childhood and have crossed to athiesm. It makes me realize just how dark spiritually, Europe is becoming...
For anyone who thinks "field" work in Europe is a cake walk, I beg to differ, it is tough. It might not be tough on the physical conditions, but spiritually most definitely.
I am sorry this is not longer, but dinner is just about ready and I need to send an email. Oh and Disneyland Paris is this Wed!! I am super stoked. Well au reviour! ( in reference to the picture: JUST TELL ME TO PRESS!)

A Brother is a brother...

Okay, so this past weekend was a delight with friends aka: brothers. :o) It just reminded me once again how my life is filled with many awesome dear people. It was a weekend of movies, food, laughter, costumes, traditions, bridal shower, music, random dancing, cooking, and oh did i mention food? lol. It was a great "last" weekend with close buddies before my new adventure begins in France for four months! I have never left our beloved United States and looking forward to explore a new culture, meet some different people and trusting completely on our awesome Savior. I know I will be challenged and hope not to come back different, but to come back with a deeper passion for the things of God and a greater thirst after Him and His Word. So the friends (only people) that actually read this I love you and am gonna miss you something fierce, but hey, "We are intrepid, we carry on." :o) So hopefully next post will be in France. Au revouir!

There's an Overflow in my Cup!

So I am actually writing here, hallelujah! I love to write but find myself preoccupied or if I try to write something I get sleepy and instead, opt for snuggling in my covers wandering into a coma like state. So they say write what you know, and right now I know what it means to be blessed. I am leaving out of the country in like five days and will be gone for a grand total of four months! Needless to say I am excited but nervous, happy but sad, stressed yet calm. So many things are running through me that I feel like a train station of emotions. Through this process of preparing to leave I have witnessed and encountered peoples' love and generosity. There has been so much support and encouragement, so much so that I feel overwhelmed and ask God, "Why me Lord?" "Why do I get to be so blessed and loved, I am definitely not worthy!" Sometimes you wonder why you are blessed and not the child in the jungles of Africa scrounging for food. Then it makes me think that God has entrusted responsibility with His goodness on me to further his Kingdom and to be wise in the gifts that He has given me to pour on others. The Bible does talk about being good stewards with what you have. I don't know why God does certain things and allows for some to have much while others to have a little but be grateful for every ounce of things, people, and opened doors that are in our lives. Thank you to anyone who has ever said a kind word, done a good deed, or inspired me. Thanks. May God always be exalted and praised even through the storms. I cannot promise that I will always keep this updated but I will try to write in it at least once a month! :o) Signing out- apRil